Tim Turner

24 Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart,
All you who hope in the LORD. (Psalms 31:24)

24 For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? (Romans 8:24)

13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Coincidence isn’t something I put much faith in. So when a lot of the same thing seem to pop up in life I think its wise to considering paying closer attention. For a while now I’ve been noticing one thing in particular keep showing up in my life. A deep sense of impending suffering, and a deeper hope I should place in God to get me through it.

I’d feel a little arrogant thinking the coming storm was meant for me alone, so I have no doubt that its going to have an effect on others, but its also obvious to me now that God has something for me to learn. Life may get really hard all of the sudden. In this country in particular many of us are not used to life being very hard. So, what then do we do when life throws us to our knees till they’re bloody and torn? How do you believe when you can’t see five minutes ahead, much less see God? I heard a fantastic answer today in a song by Building 429(Lyrics)(Hear it)

The story behind the song is simple, but powerful. The first verse is about an event in which Jason Roy met a woman in an autograph line that had lost her child, and told them the story of how the child was killed by her ex-husband. The story weighed heavily on him, and he started to write the song as a cry, and as a question to God. The second verse is about his own experience as a child with his father leaving, and the pain caused by the event. The thing is, though, the answer to the question is found in the chorus:

But I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
He will be with you always

God keeps His promises always. In Hebrews 13:5 it says we will not be left or forsaken. Considering we have no right to demand anything of God, its a pretty huge deal when the Creator of the universe tells you that He will always be there, no matter what. The thing I think we all forget about our life with Christ is that no where does the bible say Christianity includes an easy button. No where do we see our lives becoming magically perfect and never will another hardship fall on us.

The painting in the picture is a birthday present given to me by my amazing friend Lacey. On it is a quote that never ceases to ring a chord with me. The quote is from The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis and happens in a conversation between the children and the beavers. Mr. Beaver is telling the kids about Aslan the lion and they ask if he is “quite safe.” I think this is a perfect view of Christ. There is nothing safe about Christ, but Christ is good. Better than anything else in the world.

As a result of our walk with Christ we may find that we have to sacrifice much more then we are comfortable with, but He is good. The world will hate us for it, but He is good. Faith may cost us everything, but He is good.

No matter what the cost is for us, however, God fulfills His promises. We can have hope that even when we are beaten and bloodied God is with us, always.

When I watched this video I was left with an insane desire to lace up some boots(timberlands of course), and climb a mountain. I had a huge adrenaline surge that left my heart rate going up, and my breathing slightly accelerated. It was such an irrational feeling, but I didn’t care. In the end all I wanted was adventure. Why does a minute long advertisement leave me feeling like my life is empty? It only took a short time to realize the answer seems obnoxiously simple. I’m sitting in a jail cell with the door open, and I’m too afraid to leave it.The only thing is, its not just me.

Life was never meant to be misery. I honestly do not believe God was looking forward to caffinated society, and corporate ladders when He made everything. God put in us a desire to create and explore, and yet we seem to ignore it. We make environments for ourselves where we simply live inside the box, and think inside the box. Why? Its safer in the box.

Which brings me back to what I said. Before Christ, there is only slavery to sin. Chains that cannot be broken by the strength of mankind. A taint so dark we cannot wash it out. A plague our medicine cannot cure, that always ends in death. Like I said, though, that was before Christ. We have hope. We have peace. we have freedom…but where is it? Its out the door of my cell, and I’m too afraid to go outside.

John 8:34-36

34Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. 35Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. 36So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

I am free, but deep down inside I’m content to live life going through the motions, because I don’t know what God will ask me to do. The fear, I think, is in a lot of us. If I give it to God, if I really let go I might end up in Africa, or in a village of lepers, or on the streets. If we just go through the motions we can act like we don’t sense that there is a deeper adventure to life waiting for us. We can act like we don’t here the whisper of God in our minds telling us to get out of the box and do something amazing. We can live life a little less dangerously.

There is another verse that seems to go really well with this one:

John 10:10

10The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

In 07 a gallup poll concluded that 77% of Americans hate their job(source). Its no wonder the number of people considered depressed seems to keep rising every year. We spend temendous amounts of our time at our jobs. Time we spend so that we can make money, pay bills, blow the rest on whatever(or blow it all and not pay the bills like so many), rinse, and repeat. That doesn’t sound very full.

Having a job isn’t evil, but letting it rule your life is. When was the last time we walked outside and appreciated the sunset? Have we stopped to see the leave changing, or the clouds in the sky? When did church buildings become another standard cookie cutter facility and not an great arcitectural testament to God? Why don’t we create with the skills we have? Where is the art?

Life to the full is something so far beyond what most of us live today. Life to the full is embracing the adventure that life holds, including all of the danger accociated with it.

I’m not particularly old, however I’ve lived long enough to know a few things. I do know with a certainty that resonates through my being, that life will never be as full as it will be when living for God. So often we’re terrified by what God might call us to do, but for those few that embrace it, they find that His calling is something so full they can’t contain it within themselves. They simply must share it with everyone around them. We’ve all met that person. They’re like some elusive rare creature. To see a person who is full of life is unfortunately a rare event, but when you meet that person they share their fullness with the ones they see. All people have the ability to live life to the fullest, but it will come down to a choice that will lead them in places they never imagined, so they are afraid.

If you are empty, He can make you full. It doesn’t get much simpler than that.

The shackles are off. Stand up, walk out of the cell, and live your life to the fullest.

What exactly do you do when you feel like everything is just slipping through your fingers? My life has never been that bad. I have been blessed more than a lot of people, regardless of childhood hurts. So, how do I still end up at a point of feeling like I can’t move, breathe, or think? When do we start to walk down the road that led us to this place, and could we have seen this coming? I certainly don’t know, but today something happened that lifted me up more then I ever expected it to.

You know that month when all the bills just seem to hit you square in the face at just the wrong moment? Yep, me too. So, with everything seeming to come out of no where I was a bit concerned about this month, I can’t lie about that. Today Kat called me to inform me that for the past year we have been incorrectly paying our rent. Apparently we’ve been paying too much. Since this is the last month on that particular lease, they credited us for the extra payments throughout the year. As a result we had a cheaper rent payment, which will help us in the long run. All in all we didn’t save a ton of money, and it didn’t do anything miraculous for us, just made things a bit easier. It gets hard in our busy lives to stop and realize how God works throughout our day. Today was just an example of God taking something in my life and using it for good.

Why do I worry so much? Matthew 6:25-31 Has a bit to say about worry. Have I honestly accomplished anything by fretting over the little things in life, or even the big things for that matter? No, all thats happened is it makes me miserable. How can I expect to change the world, when I can’t stop worrying about tomorrow? The thing is, its not just me. Imagine what would happen in this country if the believers would drop their daily worrying and anxiety and actually trust God to handle it for us. In Romans 8:31-32 Paul puts it simply. The creator of the universe is on our side, so what do we have to worry over? When we worry we tell God we don’t think He is going to keep His promises to us. Now ask yourself, would you say that to His face? If not, then why do we live it everyday?

We strive so hard to distract ourselves. Movies, music, and technology fill our lives. The more we fill our lives the more we can’t hold on to anything that matters. How close are we to having to set an appointment to meet with our families? Why is it so hard to set down the blackberry and not worry about that new email you just got? Isn’t it amazing how we can be connected to the entire world all the time, and yet never connect to anyone?

Psalms 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God…”

Definition Administration - 6
Definition Discernment - 16
Definition Evangelism - 11
Definition Exhortation - 14
Definition Faith - 7
Definition Giving - 2
Definition Ministering - 16
Definition Knowledge - 14
Definition Mercy - 18
Definition Pastor - 17
Definition Teaching - 15
Definition Wisdom - 17

I think God is rather hilarious at times. That is the 2nd spiritual gifts test I’ve taken in two days, and both times they came out basically the same. Mercy, Teching, Wisdom–from everything I can tell those are the skills God gave me to use. So, now I have to ask myself…what do I do with it? For quite a while now I’ve been ignoring God, basically as much as possible. I knew when I decided to enter into the ministry that while God does let some people sit back and be content with their simple life, I was never intended to be one. It would be so nice to relax and live life as an average joe, but my soul keeps stirring.  Today I realized why I can’t settle. Its simple realy, its the desire to create.

God, being the Creator, made all of us in His image. I think a lot of times we turn things around, and make our characteristics His. The problem with that thinking is that we are flawed, He is not. One thing mankind must do, no matter how much we may resist it, is to create. We must make something, its built into all of us. The most common form is for us to create art or music. Its not limited to that, however, we can create love, peace, and joy as well. One thing I really and truly love to do, is to create something that inspires someone. A lot of times that puts me into the roll of untrained-struggling-to-be-creative graphic designer. The thing is though, it makes me incredibly happy, regardless of how unsatisfied I am with my own creativity. I feel so great about it, because something inside of me knows that I simply have to create something. Look at humanity’s past. You can learn quite a lot about a culture simply from the art they create. Look at how inspiring architecture has been.  The universe itself is a mighty piece of art. Science is necessary, because we feel a need to understand the infinite potential of the world God created for us. Nothing about this is really new, though, but it got me thinking about my own creations today.

What if art is not what God intended for me, but to bring about peace in a person’s heart? Its so easy to turn to art as the best way to show our creative desires. Could is be just as creative to listen to a person and give them wisdom? Is creating peace in a heart of chaos a way to make art? Is it possible that when you teach someone a new way to look at God you are creating love? What about listening to another persons cry for help, is that just as creative as the man with a paintbrush? Earlier today I might have said no, but I am certain these things are just as creative. I now realize that the joy I feel when creating art is only a small part of what God actually intends for me to do. While I’m still not certain what I should be doing, I know that I shouldn’t settle for what kind of logos or shirts I can make. What I am to create will likely not be something that can be seen, but something thats inside the hearts of people.

So, next time you look at a painting and have a real appreciation for the talent that God has blessed that person with, will you also look at the works of your own hands, your mouth, or your eyes and see the creativity that comes from them as well?

I haven’t written anything in quite a while. I imagine thats not too good of me, but thats how it goes. I’m still attending the bible study on the early church (most) Tuesdays. So far I have enjoyed the experience quite a lot. Waking up that early in the morning still seems to be a bit of a problem for me, but I honestly get the feeling I’ll never be good at mornings. Its interesting to look at the early church and see the impact they made on the lives of people around them, and to look at our churches now and realize that simply doesn’t happen all too often. Unfortunately it doesn’t happen near as much as people need it to. We have a responsibility to help a dead world find life, and yet we become content with keeping everything to ourselves, and becoming too cold to care about anyone else.

Walls are good for nothing but keeping certain people in, and other people out. Christianity is full of walls. The fact is we will never maintain a real impact on peoples lives until we take these walls down. In the end we spend all of our time explain the wall, we find ourselves coming up with clever new cliches about why we do things the way we do, and no matter how we spin it–its still too complicated for even us.

Life should be simplified, and so should faith. Why is it so much to ask that you simply love a person? I was talking with someone not too long ago about the modern interest in gay people within our culture. I’ve heard people say that if you are gay you cannot be a Christian…I’m certain if you asked the same people if a murder convict could come to Christ in jail that they would say yes. What about the guy who raped a 4 year old girl? If being gay is your only sin, then I’d say your doing better than some and not as good as others. In the end sin is sin, and grace is for everyone. Its that simple. Its hard to hate sin and not hate the person. Its actually much easier to hate the person than to understand they we all carry this sickening disease around. Even now I find myself angry at people, when I should be angry at the sin that makes them blind to love. If I could ask one thing, I’d ask that we learn to turn that anger and hatred to pity and love.

As always I’ve also been considering a lot about how we speak. I said something at one of our Tuesday morning meetings that struck me hard. In the middle of a conversation out of no where I said, “sarcasm is the easiest way to avoid intimacy.” Sarcasm is defined as this:

1. A cutting, often ironic remark intended to wound.
2. A form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule.

The reason this struck me so hard is because when I think about my own speech I really have to stop and wonder how many wounds I leave in people’s hearts all around me each day. Its so easy to reply to things with sarcasm. Sure, we all laugh about it, but no matter how you swing it, most of the time it still hurts even if just a little. Who honestly wants to be the “the butt of contempt or ridicule?” I have a hard time believing that people want to be wounded. Yet we do it anyway. Contempt and arrogance often come out of our mouths, and I think the reason it happens so frequently is because we’re all afraid to let people know whats inside of us. When I look at my own heart I find I’m scared to let someone else in, because I’ve been hurt so much in the past I simply don’t want to risk it happening again. The problem though is the longing that comes from deep within my soul. Longing for both human and spiritual intimacy. So, no matter how hard I try in the end I feel pain, but is it worth it to open up?

The more I think about intimacy and the risks involved I almost want to say its not worth it to be open to the people around you. After all, humans are not perfect and you will get hurt eventually. I think like that, but then one day something will happen that always seems to change my mind. Just a few minutes ago I got on my facebook and found I had a new message. It turns out it was a message from Ryan, simply saying he liked something I designed and gave me a simple good job. When someone intentionally comes to me for a hug, no need to say anything but just a hug. When its raining softly outside the world seems almost quiet and I feel like I can just about hear the voice of God. These are some of the things that make me thing its well worth it to risk enduring the pain to have the reward of intimacy from both people and God. Stop and ask yourself if you think its worth it, if you don’t then I pray God shows you the value of His infinite love.

I realize now what one of my biggest fears in life is. I’m terribly afraid of being an average joe. I was thinking way too much the other day, and got to thinking about my talents, or lack thereof. Its upsetting to think that I don’t stand out from anyone else. Sure I like graphic design, but honestly I’m not that great at it. I’m good with computer, but not really any better then a mid-level technician. Guitar wasn’t my forte either. I know it seems like just whining, but really do you ever wonder what makes you…you? At times I’d like to think I could answer that, but the older I get the more I realize how obscure I feel to myself. Our culture doesn’t help, the constant advertising we see seems to dictate who we should be. I know that I have a purpose, and there are things that set me apart, but I simply don’t understand them and thats what I hate. When things in life are gray is really agitates me. I guess what I really want to know is what will satisfy my soul. There are a lot of things in my life that make me happy, or are fun, but I have a hard time saying something truly satisfies me. Now, lets be realistic I don’t expect something thats going to make life feel perfect, but when someone is doing something that they truly feel meant to do you can see the satisfaction on there face, and in there life. So what is it–art, music, people? I don’t know. So far I haven’t had any God-given epiphanies, but God also doesn’t operate on the same time that I do. So, in the end I’m going to keep going until I get some further direction, and all I can do is hope it comes sooner than later.

We’re going to Orlando Wednesday and I’m super excited. Kat, Denise, and I will be seeing Wicked the Musical this week and its going to be fantastic. I was introduced to Wicked a long time ago by a good friend named Amanda. At first I kinda brushed it off(mostly because at the time I didn’t care much for musicals), but after looked into Wicked I found it grew on me rather quickly. I’d recommend listening to the cd, its full of a lot of great music. I still haven’t read the book, but its on my list of things to do. Though, I have heard the book is quite different from the musical, but thats ok its two different art forms and I don’t expect them to be the same.

Recently I scrapped an idea I had for a freelance design company, mostly because I hated the name and the logo idea. I think, though, that I’m going to design a backend CMS system similar to pureedit.org. So far I like the name “simplicity CMS”, that name sums up the idea. I want to create a CMS system for users who don’t need uber features. I’ll have to figure out how to integrate frontends into it, but that’ll come with time while studying php. I think its a solid idea and I could get some real use out of it.

I finally did it. After much debate and a lot of burn out–I cancelled my Station Pass subscription. So, no more MMORPGs(for the moment). It was pretty freeing to do so. I’ve just decided I should focus on different things for the moment, I’ll still game but not near as much as I have. I told my dad the other day that I’d rested long enough and it was time to start moving again, well I think that applies to every part of my life. I’m gonna start focusing on learning the useful things like php, css, and xml. I’m pretty certain I’ll always hate logo design, but web design is kinda fun.

The more I talk about it the more I realize I’m simply just not satisfied with what I’m doing in my life right now. Don’t get me wrong I like fixing computers, but fixing computers doesn’t satisfy my soul. As nice as it would be if fat paycheck could satisfy me, it simply doesn’t and I want more.

I’m excited about the event Ovie mentioned to me a while back. We have a ton of planning to do, but I’ve tossed the idea up to a few people and so far I’ve heard nothing but support for it. I think its time this area got together as a community. We put up too many walls and biases. Whats the point of labeling each other? Makes me sick.

Tonights devotional for me was about forgiveness. It was kind of funny considering I was talking to my mom the other day about how I have problems letting go of anger. Do we ever really stop and think about what good it does for us to still be angry about that time our sibling lied and we got grounded instead? Its ridiculous that we can’t let go. More often then not when Kat and I get into an argument it has nothing to do with her. Just the other day she did something that set me off, and I felt horrible later, because I was angry over something that had to do with my childhood, but yet she had to sit there and feel the wrath of it. Its simply not what we should do to people. I see it a lot in Best Buy, a customer will come in with a legitimate issue, but the slightest thing will set them off. It becomes very apparent which customer are mad at Best Buy, and which ones were mad before they came in. Makes me wonder who thinks that about me. Problem is, I’m not sure how to let go. In one of Rob Bell’s Nooma videos he said that to forgive someone doesn’t just mean to move on, but to wish them well in their life. I’ll be frank, I’m not a huge fan of that statement–mostly cause I think hes right, and I don’t want to think about having to do that in my own life. Can I really wish those people well, the ones I’m still angry at? I’m honestly not sure where to start, but its something I’m working towards. If you read this, then I’d encourage you to as well. The world has enough anger and hatred in it already, life needs a little more grace here and there.