Tim Turner

I’ve been meaning to get on here and write for a while, but even now that I’m here I don’t exactly know what to write about.

I guess a good place to start is with the Wii–thats right I’ve finally reentered the world of console gaming. Now, PC gaming will always be superior, don’t get me wrong, but the Wii is crazy fun. My mom was ever so gracious as to buy the Wii for me, and frankly I think its a great investment. I mean seriously, when is it not fun to swing your arms around like an idiot in front of the tv? Even my mom couldn’t deny it. After she tore me apart in a game of Wii bowling(yes I suck in real life and on the game). She conceded it was a lot of fun. Also, Super Smash Brothers Brawl is a crazy awesome game. So far I’ve beaten the single player mode, and I’ve beaten 33 or 41 events. Its another one of those games that isn’t anything spectacular, its just fun. I think people get so lost in “innovation” they forget how to have fun when they play a game. You can only, “oooo” and “ahhhh” for so long, and once thats over you find yourself with a really boring game.

Monday Ovie, Ben and I had a meeting, and it was nice to get together and just talk about our dreams. I also got the chance to hear some things about myself I hadn’t heard before, and those words are appreciated. There are so many things we want to do, but for whatever reason we haven’t been able to. I like that we’re looking back to the basics again. As a whole we like to make things complicated. I’m honestly starting to think we do that simply to distract ourselves from the simple truths we don’t like to acknowledge. A lot of things that are “gray” aren’t really all that gray, we’re just comfortable with leaving it that way.

I guess the only thing I can say is pray that I get some direction. I’m not the best at listening to God, but I’d really like to know what I should be doing. Work is probably the biggest thing. Theres nothing particularly wrong with my job, in fact, the couple of weeks have been really smooth. The longer I work there, though the less and less I feel like I’m in the right place. Maybe I’m just antsy I don’t know, but I wish I was doing more with my life…problem isn’t I haven’t the foggiest idea what I should, or want to do.

I realize now one of the things that gives me great joy. I’ve been thinking over things I like and love, but in the end I think helping people through things really brings me great joy. To see the weight lifted off someone, or to see that moment of revelation when the answers become clear is a great thing to me. I don’t particularly see myself going into counseling, but thats ok.  I’d just like to think that one day I’ll truly make a difference for someone.

We’re back, and unfortunately once again I feel like I took a vacation that felt nothing like a vacation. Wicked was absolutely amazing, and we had fun, but the beds at the hotel were so hard and uncomfortable that I had a really hard time sleeping, so for four days I’ve slept really bad. I’d definitely recommend Wicked to anyone, the show was a blast, and was far more then I had even expected. I just love the theme of the whole show. While it was focuses on the relationship between the wicked witch and the people around her the show had a lot of political undertones. The whole conflict comes about as a result of the wizard oppressing the rights of the animals(who in oz can talk and think like people). In the end she is label as “wicked” through propaganda and lies all as a result of her wanted to stand up for what she believed in. I really like the way they tied the story together with the original wizard of oz story, it just gave a nice fresh perspective on the whole thing.

The one nice really nice thing about being gone though was I had the chance to 1. catch up on my reading, and 2. think. I read a book called Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala. The thing I love about books like this is to see what its like for someone to rise up to the challenges that harsh spiritual environments present and to overcome them. The whole book really touched me, but I think the most important thing to see in the book was to truly understand the importance of prayer. Sure, we all know prayer is a good thing, but prayer is probably one of the most overlooked things in our daily lives. Even a lot of prayer that is done has a tendency to be forced, or is simply done because its the right thing to do, not because there is a heart of prayer. I look at my own life and must say I’m disgusted at my own prayer. I could come up with a lot of nice flowery, tear-jerking prayers, but in the end I know my heart simply isn’t there. Now that I’ve more openly acknowledged my problem I feel I’m a good step closer to correcting the problem, but I also understand I have a long way to go. When a heart not only prays, but is driven to pray amazing things will follow in the wake.

Ovie and I had a great conversation last night. Even though I really enjoy my time alone to ponder things, its really nice to have people in my life who I can bounce my ideas off of, and its even more enjoyable to find out I’m not the only one who is feeling these things. Spiritually I’m just down right apathetic. I can make excuses why that happened but in the end it doesn’t matter, what matters is that has to change, and I understand now the only way I’m going to change that fact is to set myself some goals. A huge problem with myself, and the entire twenty-something age group is a huge lack of goals. Sure I want to be close to God, and I want to have a house and a nice car, those are goals right? Indeed they are, however I realize now I have no goals to get me to those places. We can look towards the future all we want, but at the end of the day we live here and now, and we have to learn to get moving. I’m starting to learn to take smaller steps. Have John read by the end of this month, pray twice a day, etc. I know this isn’t some kind of cureall for my spirituall life, but I feel like it’ll get me back in the movement, the first few steps are always the hardest. In the end I understand that I can no longer sit still, I have things to do and a world to change.

I think the most disturbing thing about feeling so apathetic is my deep fear that I’ll become cold and lose compassion. Two instances haunt me, and I simply cannot get them out of my mind. The first happened while we were in Orlando. We stopped by wal-greens to get something for Kat since she wasn’t feeling all that great at the time. As we walked about I was in the back, and I walked past a man sitting on the sidewalk. He mumbled something and I stop and turned to him, and said “what was that?.”
He calmly replied,” do you have any change?” I told him I was sorry I did not(which was true, I don’t keep cash on me), and then walked to the car. It wasn’t until we got back on the road that the alarm went off in my head. What was I thinking? I had $20 on my debit card, would it of really been so hard to ask the man what he needed? The guy was dirty, with a bike and a backpack so all I can do is assume he was homeless. When was the last time he ate? Would it of hurt to lend a helping hand out to another human being? I didn’t, and unfortunately this hasn’t been the only time such a thing has happened. A month or so ago I was in the store and happened to notice a group of “scene” looking kids. Its not abnormal to see this kind of group in our store, but what made this one stand out was a girl wearing a tanktop who had a large birthmark on her back, similar to the one my brother was born with. I went about my merry business and continued to help customers as per normal. At the end of my shift I got in the car and started to head home. As I came up to the intersection to turn onto 181S I happened to look to my right, and there in the grass sat the girl I had seen in the store. She was crying her eyes out sitting alone with no other cars around. The poor girl looked absolutely miserable. Had she gotten into an argument with someone and been left behind? Did she need a ride home, or someone to talk to? I don’t know, because I kept driving.

When I look back on those events it doesn’t surprise me that the world has such a negative view of Christians. When people are in need, we keep walking. That is what breaks my heart. To know that people are hurting and we, the ones who are here to help, just don’t give a damn. Whats so sickening is that when I look in the mirror I know I am one of those people.

Now its time to stand up, and I hope that everyone else will join me on a path to a greater impact on the community around us.