Tim Turner

Its no secret, I get stressed out too easily, and I don’t handle it well. Like a snowball rolling down a hill the next thing I know I have an avalanche of anxiety filling every moment of my day. As of this week it would appear that I’ve run out of fake smiles, so I guess I’m in a bind. Its not something I’m particularly proud of, but at the same time what do you do when you’ve lived life with so much on your shoulders that you are afraid to put it down? Sometimes freedom is so free its terrifying.

Tonight I was driving home, and happened to turn on the radio to hear “In My Arms” by Plumb. This song in particular was written by the lead singer about her child, however it seemed to strike a different cord for me. The chorus in particular is what stuck with me. It seems I’ve gotten so caught up in whats happening that I forgot this:

Knowing clouds will raise up
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Life isn’t suddenly perfect, but its nice when God puts a reminder in your day to remember to look up. I forgot why I keep hope, when there should be none. Even though none of the things on my mind have gone away I know I will make it through. When life is raging at every corner of your being, you’ll be safe in His arms.

After I heard that song, I rolled down the windows, and drove home with a smile on my face.

I finally did it. After much debate and a lot of burn out–I cancelled my Station Pass subscription. So, no more MMORPGs(for the moment). It was pretty freeing to do so. I’ve just decided I should focus on different things for the moment, I’ll still game but not near as much as I have. I told my dad the other day that I’d rested long enough and it was time to start moving again, well I think that applies to every part of my life. I’m gonna start focusing on learning the useful things like php, css, and xml. I’m pretty certain I’ll always hate logo design, but web design is kinda fun.

The more I talk about it the more I realize I’m simply just not satisfied with what I’m doing in my life right now. Don’t get me wrong I like fixing computers, but fixing computers doesn’t satisfy my soul. As nice as it would be if fat paycheck could satisfy me, it simply doesn’t and I want more.

I’m excited about the event Ovie mentioned to me a while back. We have a ton of planning to do, but I’ve tossed the idea up to a few people and so far I’ve heard nothing but support for it. I think its time this area got together as a community. We put up too many walls and biases. Whats the point of labeling each other? Makes me sick.

Tonights devotional for me was about forgiveness. It was kind of funny considering I was talking to my mom the other day about how I have problems letting go of anger. Do we ever really stop and think about what good it does for us to still be angry about that time our sibling lied and we got grounded instead? Its ridiculous that we can’t let go. More often then not when Kat and I get into an argument it has nothing to do with her. Just the other day she did something that set me off, and I felt horrible later, because I was angry over something that had to do with my childhood, but yet she had to sit there and feel the wrath of it. Its simply not what we should do to people. I see it a lot in Best Buy, a customer will come in with a legitimate issue, but the slightest thing will set them off. It becomes very apparent which customer are mad at Best Buy, and which ones were mad before they came in. Makes me wonder who thinks that about me. Problem is, I’m not sure how to let go. In one of Rob Bell’s Nooma videos he said that to forgive someone doesn’t just mean to move on, but to wish them well in their life. I’ll be frank, I’m not a huge fan of that statement–mostly cause I think hes right, and I don’t want to think about having to do that in my own life. Can I really wish those people well, the ones I’m still angry at? I’m honestly not sure where to start, but its something I’m working towards. If you read this, then I’d encourage you to as well. The world has enough anger and hatred in it already, life needs a little more grace here and there.