Think in circles
I realize now what one of my biggest fears in life is. I’m terribly afraid of being an average joe. I was thinking way too much the other day, and got to thinking about my talents, or lack thereof. Its upsetting to think that I don’t stand out from anyone else. Sure I like graphic design, but honestly I’m not that great at it. I’m good with computer, but not really any better then a mid-level technician. Guitar wasn’t my forte either. I know it seems like just whining, but really do you ever wonder what makes you…you? At times I’d like to think I could answer that, but the older I get the more I realize how obscure I feel to myself. Our culture doesn’t help, the constant advertising we see seems to dictate who we should be. I know that I have a purpose, and there are things that set me apart, but I simply don’t understand them and thats what I hate. When things in life are gray is really agitates me. I guess what I really want to know is what will satisfy my soul. There are a lot of things in my life that make me happy, or are fun, but I have a hard time saying something truly satisfies me. Now, lets be realistic I don’t expect something thats going to make life feel perfect, but when someone is doing something that they truly feel meant to do you can see the satisfaction on there face, and in there life. So what is it–art, music, people? I don’t know. So far I haven’t had any God-given epiphanies, but God also doesn’t operate on the same time that I do. So, in the end I’m going to keep going until I get some further direction, and all I can do is hope it comes sooner than later.
We’re going to Orlando Wednesday and I’m super excited. Kat, Denise, and I will be seeing Wicked the Musical this week and its going to be fantastic. I was introduced to Wicked a long time ago by a good friend named Amanda. At first I kinda brushed it off(mostly because at the time I didn’t care much for musicals), but after looked into Wicked I found it grew on me rather quickly. I’d recommend listening to the cd, its full of a lot of great music. I still haven’t read the book, but its on my list of things to do. Though, I have heard the book is quite different from the musical, but thats ok its two different art forms and I don’t expect them to be the same.
Recently I scrapped an idea I had for a freelance design company, mostly because I hated the name and the logo idea. I think, though, that I’m going to design a backend CMS system similar to pureedit.org. So far I like the name “simplicity CMS”, that name sums up the idea. I want to create a CMS system for users who don’t need uber features. I’ll have to figure out how to integrate frontends into it, but that’ll come with time while studying php. I think its a solid idea and I could get some real use out of it.
